It happened like a snap in my head. What happened to Jennie? Where did she go? When was she replaced by this boring, fat, depressed woman? I have known for sometime that I have been depressed. I have been allowing myself to wallow and be sad, and all the while trying to not appear so to my friends, family and co-workers.
Depression is a scary thing and can do all sorts of crazy things to your life. Unfortunately, the one thing that it can do, which is make you lose lots of weight, did just the opposite with me. Food has become a sense of entertainment for me, as well as losing myself in television shows and playing endless hours of video games. Now, don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with doing those things, in fact, I really enjoy them. But when you prefer to stay home and alienate yourself from any relationships that you have, there is a problem.
One of my biggest issues has been my never-ending struggle with my weight over the last 3 years. The pounds continue to be put on and my will-power gets weaker. I guess I felt that if I weighed a lot, and looked less attractive, that meant I was less of a person. I know that this is wrong, but being a skinny person all my life, loving the attention that the opposite sex always gave me, made it really hard to believe that person was gone. Now, I notice that because of my weight gain, I could possibly have some health issues that come with the weight.
I have always been someone who doesn't ask for help and thinks that she knows herself better than any therapist could. And, when you lose all of your friendships and have no one to talk to any more about issues, I think it's time to seek help.
So, my vow to myself is to seek out a therapist who can help me to be a happier, healthier person, not only for myself but for my family. I know that I am not alone and that others have gotten through this, so I know that there is hope.
Thanks for listening, my blog audience!!