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Sunday, January 10, 2010

Where Did Jennie Go?

It happened like a snap in my head. What happened to Jennie? Where did she go? When was she replaced by this boring, fat, depressed woman? I have known for sometime that I have been depressed. I have been allowing myself to wallow and be sad, and all the while trying to not appear so to my friends, family and co-workers.

Depression is a scary thing and can do all sorts of crazy things to your life. Unfortunately, the one thing that it can do, which is make you lose lots of weight, did just the opposite with me. Food has become a sense of entertainment for me, as well as losing myself in television shows and playing endless hours of video games. Now, don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with doing those things, in fact, I really enjoy them. But when you prefer to stay home and alienate yourself from any relationships that you have, there is a problem.

One of my biggest issues has been my never-ending struggle with my weight over the last 3 years. The pounds continue to be put on and my will-power gets weaker. I guess I felt that if I weighed a lot, and looked less attractive, that meant I was less of a person. I know that this is wrong, but being a skinny person all my life, loving the attention that the opposite sex always gave me, made it really hard to believe that person was gone. Now, I notice that because of my weight gain, I could possibly have some health issues that come with the weight.

I have always been someone who doesn't ask for help and thinks that she knows herself better than any therapist could. And, when you lose all of your friendships and have no one to talk to any more about issues, I think it's time to seek help.

So, my vow to myself is to seek out a therapist who can help me to be a happier, healthier person, not only for myself but for my family. I know that I am not alone and that others have gotten through this, so I know that there is hope.

Thanks for listening, my blog audience!!


*Lindsey* said...

I think it's very brave of you to post something so personal about yourself and I highly commend you on that.
A couple of Gregs family members struggle with severe depression and it is a real thing. I know his brother is seeing a therapist right now so if you need any numbers or contacts, let me know.

Love you Brave sis!

Danifer said...

Awww...thanks, sis! Your response made me smile :) In the past, when M and I were breaking up, I saw a few therapists. Nothing ever transpired, as I thought I could just fix myself. Immediately after the divorce was the toughest time. I could not get out of bed, my legs went numb from laying there so long. I lost 17 pounds in about a week, so things were not good. However, that was situational. What's going on now I think comes with age and hormone changes. I really have no excuses not to see someone, so I will start looking. Thanks for the encouragement and love :) I am so glad you are back in my life!!!

Jen Bundy said...

I know a lot of people that suffer from depression. It sucks. Just know you are normal and not alone. Therapy is a waste of time if you ask me, you already know what you need to do, you are a smart girl.

Danifer said...

Jen, Thanks for the encouraging words. You are right, I feel like I might sit down in the therapists chair and spill all of my troubles, then tell him/her what needs to be changed/fixed and I would walk out with an empty wallet. But, maybe it would be worth it to just have someone to tell everything to and not worry whether they are judging. Or....maybe I should just go to a physic :)